Monday, April 20, 2015



The weight is
released. free
to let go, or move on
to stay, 
to not know.
there is no stress
to guess
at what is next.
today is Saturday.

I rest.

Found some comfort in Rabindranath Tagore today.

Sunday, April 19, 2015



I was with her at the moment of death.
When her heart stopped,
when she drew her last breath.
She left my sister and I at her bedside,
in a body that she would no longer reside,
to wonder where she had gone
hours and hours before dawn.
Like a ship on the foggiest horizon,
giving off the faintest siren.
Sounding a bit like a celestial chorus
that gave my sister’s corpus solace.
She disappeared into the night
Never again to see the morning light.

I feel we are all one
Here in my body you in that one.
In the lowly cricket
and in the granite
Namaste, The holy spirit,
All on one planet.
But my mom who just closed her eyes
and can’t hear my cries,
shatters my feeling sof one
I’m here in my body and she in no one.
And so I must wait
until they open the gate
And hope she leaves limbo
so she can open my window
to say she is alright
and that her new life is bright.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Dust in the Wind

A poem for Luke

   I went to the town dump
   with things
   that were 
   piling up
   at my mom's house.

I had already placed the bulk of our family pictures up on the internet,
so I ended up pitching 50 old photo albums.

It was hard to do.

  I saw a photo of my brother Luke
at graduation
   flutter  in the breeze.

As I drove away I played
"Dust in the Wind" and all
of a sudden
I could feel my brother
as a teenager, bouncing over
the rough dump road with me
in the passenger seat.
   Just laughing.

He was happy to be released
from the photo and
returned to my heart.
   it all felt Okay.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Rolling the Dice is Paradise

A Busy day and Erica's house. Today we finished clearing out mom's room, moved Erica into the spare bedroom, moved me in to Erica's old room. Erica will be getting a roommate shortly. And I will be bringing home all kinds of pottery, fabric and what-nots.  It is hard to let go of EVERYTHING. As it is 95% of her stuff is gone. We still have to got through some old letters and photos.

Around noon, I visited mom and she was sleeping deeply. The kind with the super shallow breaths. Her eyes half open and her mouth all the way open. But after an hour of that she woke up and we visited a bit. She was in some pain and got a bit of morphine.  We did have a few nice moments, but she tires quickly. Just a regular day up in Paradise. I did find out how the town of Paradise got its name. It was originally a boom gold rush digging town and then quickly turned into a gambling town. And so it was coined. "Pair-o'-dice"  The mayor, who had lofty hopes for the town, thought it best for everyone's sake to change the name to Paradise.

SOM 2015